Breathe

After diligently performing his marital duties at times of peak ovulation, Mason Brown and his wife conceived and he entered the nether world of the expectant father. Buried in books and gifts for his wife and baby to be, Brown soon recognised the shell shocked look of other men drifting through maternity shops, and he decided to write BREATHE. Full of useful tips on picking a doctor (no palm trees on diplomas); baby showers (how not to become a gibbering idiot, when forced to appear); and overcoming fears (go ahead, hold the baby, it's a chick magnet!), BREATHE also introduces Brown's Law of Conception, which posits that the odds of conception are inversely proportional to the desirability of conception. While high school virgins are all but guaranteed to conceive, married men who want kids are doomed to weekends in fertility clinics.