With or Without Me

A Memoir of Losing and Finding

Esther Maria Magnis author Alta L Price translator

Format:Paperback

Publisher:Plough Publishing House

Published:21st Apr '22

£12.99

Available to order, but very limited on stock - if we have issues obtaining a copy, we will let you know.

With or Without Me cover

Where is God when your loved ones get a terminal illness? The easy answers are all wrong.

With or Without Me is a book for everyone – believer or unbeliever, Christian or atheist– who refuses to surrender to the idea that there are easy answers to the big questions in life.

Doubt about God’s goodness in the face of grief is natural. With or Without Me is one woman’s unsparing and eloquent memoir about the inadequacy of religion and philosophy to answer her emotional pain. Yet Esther Maria Magnis’s rejection of God is merely the beginning of a tortuous journey back to faith – one punctuated by personal losses retold with bluntness and immediacy. 

Magnis knows believing in God is anything but easy. Because he allows people to suffer. Because he’s invisible. And silent. 

“A must read for anyone who has ever pondered the meaning of life” – Lydia S. Dugdale, Author of The Lost Art of Dying

“I have not known anyone since Nietzsche who shows so shockingly what a catastrophe it is to not believe in God." —Robert Spaemann
"There are not many who dare to speak of God as unabashedly as Esther Maria Magnis." —Public Forum
With or Without Me is utterly necessary. Breathtakingly honest with unflinching rawness, this book is a must read for anyone who has ever pondered the meaning of life. —Lydia S. Dugdale, author of The Lost Art of Dying: Reviving Forgotten Wisdom
Seldom have I read a Christian book that possessed such raw energy and passion. With or Without Me is an honest account of death, bereavement and grief which lays bare what it means to love and lose. —Inspire Magazine

Faith is like a piece of quartz that Magnis turns over in her palm, examining all its angles, the sharp edges and the shine. This lends With or Without Me a thoughtful and introspective quality, contemplative without being meandering... She deftly balances the transcendent and immanent as she recounts her walk towards God, yet never reduces her discussion of faith to abstractions. —Today's American Catholic


Esther Maria Magnis addresses traditional philosophy and religion head on in this unflinching memoir, which details her difficult sojourn away from the Christian faith and then back to it. Amid the spate of personal deconstruction narratives of the past few years, readers will appreciate this German author’s distinct perspective. With or Without Me is essential reading for anyone who has ever doubted God’s goodness in the midst of personal loss. —Christian Century


Magnis recounts with brutal honesty the depth of her loss. —War Cry Magazine, UK

ISBN: 9781636080260

Dimensions: unknown

Weight: unknown

201 pages