Nowhere to Run

'A funny, heartwarming story, packed with memorable characters that you'll want to cheer all the way. Ave it!'
PETER KAY

‘This heart-warming, genuinely funny little book is just the thing to lift the spirits.'
DAILY MAIL

THE ULTIMATE FUNNY GIFT FOR FOOTBALL FANS

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On the second oldest football pitch in the world, Jonathan Sayer stands atop a beer crate to address the assembled fans of Ashton United FC. As his initial optimism begins to slip through his fingers, the new co-chairman and co-owner (alongside his dad) starts to realise the scale of the challenge ahead.

Battling to keep the club afloat, a record number of games without a win sees hope turn to despair as Jonathan contends with a mutiny from a group of octogenarian supporters, constant battles with the local council and a star striker who arrives on crutches despite somehow passing his medical.

As the on-pitch form continues to deteriorate and rifts appear between him and his father, Jonathan begins to make some increasingly desperate decisions: sinking his savings into an ever-spiralling wage bill, hiding in a freezing outdoor storage unit to avoid questions and even seriously contemplating bringing in a local priest to lift the 'Boxing Day Curse' by performing a late-night exorcism on the pitch.

Chronicling the euphoric highs and bitter disappointments of the less glamourous side of the beautiful game, Nowhere to Run is the hilarious, heart-warming tale of life in the hot seat of a non-league football club.

'Beautifully written and engaging... funny, warm and entertaining. And stupid. Really stupid. I loved it!'
MATT LUCAS

'Best captures the illogical romance of the sport. It’s about the soul of English football – something the Saudi Arabian league can’t emulate for all the money in the world.'
NEW STATESMAN